once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
