Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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