We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Randomize
