just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize