A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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