His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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