she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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