Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
