His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
