Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
