i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
