I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
