Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize