You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Randomize
