my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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