I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
