yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
