dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
