One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
50% drunk capacity currently
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Randomize
