He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
