wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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