i think my mom watched the whole time
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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