When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
