i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Randomize
