Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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