I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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