I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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