Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize