but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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