I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I need water and some morals
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
