Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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