At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
My bed smells like the plague
Randomize
