Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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