I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
whose ass print is on the piano?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize
