So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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