Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
