i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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