Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
