I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
