batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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