i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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