I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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