all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
