glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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