You smell like a Billy Joel song
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize