I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
