you would pick up someone in the library
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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