Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Randomize
