maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Randomize