I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
it hurts more in the daytime
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
