there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
