There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize