never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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