Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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