Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
