I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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