ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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