He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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