Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
