Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Acid is not a monday night drug
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
