And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
