we're blogging at a bar
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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