My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
