Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
