So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
