After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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