We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
