Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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