God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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