i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
