Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
