I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
